We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
