My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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