Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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