She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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