Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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