i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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