T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
