hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
your room smells of hookers.
And success
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
