Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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