She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
