The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
