new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize