"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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