I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
