yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
