I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I need moral support for this bender
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
