Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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