wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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