Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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