Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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