Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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