I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
