i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
