oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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