Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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