I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
