If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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