call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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