I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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