All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
