I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i drank out of a bidet.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
