If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
