My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
