so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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