What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
