piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
