i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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