he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
