I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Oh god it's open bar.
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