I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize