Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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