I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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