Well apparently he's into motor boating.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
