you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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