I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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