we have pet lesbian snakes
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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