I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
