Are we in a gay sports bar?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
