My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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