remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
