My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
