Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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