apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It all started with a game of naked twister.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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