Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...