My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
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i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
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I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT