It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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