At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
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Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates