Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.