i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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