Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
