I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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