I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
