All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
