I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
