I wish my penis had an off switch
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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