A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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