Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
