My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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