I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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