i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
