WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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