I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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