I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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